When it costs to believe

One of the hidden snares of waiting on God is the temptation to be resentful when he delivers other people quickly.

Like a rabbit pulled up by a well-laid trap and dangling by one foot, I have wriggled around in futility, pulling this way and that, demanding to know why, grumbling and complaining, comparing and envying.

Why does another person experience resolve, healing, instant understanding, freedom, and restoration, all while I continue to go through circumstances that are isolating, confusing, unpleasant, and unresolved?  Where is God in all this?

I think from a human perspective, it's natural to measure our success by tangible outcomes. How good is she at baking? Well, her cake sure tasted good! Is he a good musician? His concert was excellent! Conditioned to measure success based our our senses, we are left at a disadvantage when it comes to spiritual matters.

If someone were to ask how much faith a person has, we can't simply look at whether they suffer or prosper. The famous passage about faith in Hebrews 11 says that people of faith both "escaped the edge of the sword" (v. 34) and "were killed with the sword." (v. 37)

If there is no guaranteed earthly outcome for people of faith, how can we remain steady?  How do we cope when God allows us to hurt for a long time rather than instantly deliver?

We can gain insight by looking at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the Jewish exiles living in Nebuchadnezzar's court in Babylon. Trying hard to hold on to their Jewish identity and committed to worshiping the true God, they refused to bow down to worship a giant golden statue. When their behavior was brought to Nebuchadnezzar's attention, they were about to face certain death. Before being bound and tossed into the fire, they acknowledged two potential outcomes of their faith:

"If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we shall not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

It's this attitude that we can adopt as our own when we face what appear to be certain consequences for choosing the path of faith.  When others mistreat us or when we suffer difficulty and setbacks for obeying God, He is deserving of our complete devotion, no matter the cost. Yet regardless of the repercussions, we have this assurance: he is present with us in the trial.

Once the men were thrown into the fire at the order of the enraged king, something extraordinary happened. The king asked:

"Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" (v. 24)

His men affirmed that this was true. And the astonished king responded:

"But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods." (v. 25)

It was God's presence in the furnace with them that brought tears of joy to my eyes this morning. Likewise, Jesus is in the furnace with me and with you through faith. We "consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that [we] will not grow weary and lose heart" when we suffer quietly yet see others quickly rescued.

So where is God when he allows the outcomes we sometimes see as failures? He is the fourth man in the furnace with us, sent to rescue us sinners who are thrown into the fires of this world. Through faith like that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we will arrive one day in heaven, not even smelling of smoke.

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

(Isaiah 43:2-3)

When all I can do is "not do."

Though I haven't written as often this year, God is teaching me during my inactivity. He's calling me to live in trust and reminding me, when I accuse him of not caring, that he gave his life for me. This act of supreme sacrifice means that he is involved in every detail of my pain, that he could not be more present or involved in my struggles. Though he appears to be sleeping in the stern while the storm is swamping my life, he is in total control of even the most powerful forces.

During a dangerous storm that threatened their boat, the disciples woke Jesus and asked "Don't you care if we drown?" and I have asked the same question in similar words. He responded to them (and to me) like a father wounded by his child's lack of trust: "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

In Him I must trust. On Him I must wait.

If you feel today like God has hemmed you in, isolated you, or prevented you from serving him in the ways you had planned, remember the "service of waiting" as George Matheson did when he considered God's restrictions and limitations on Paul's missionary journey:

Sometimes I have been interrupted in what seemed to be quite productive work. And at times, opposition came and forced me to go back, or sickness came and forced me to rest in some isolated place.

During such times, it was difficult for me to leave my work unfinished when I believed it was a service done in the power of His Spirit. But I finally remembered that the Spirit requires not only a service of work but also a service of waiting. I came to see that in the kingdom of Christ, there are not only times for action but times to refrain from action. And I also came to learn that a place of isolation is often the most useful place of all in this diverse world.  (...)

[Holy Spirit,] Help me to find, even in the area of service where you have closed a door, a new entrance into your service. Inspire me with the knowledge that that a person may sometimes be called to serve by doing nothing, by staying still, or by waiting.
-George Matheson (Streams in the Desert)

This waiting in faith requires me to slow down and determine to seek God's presence daily, not just go through motions while gritting my teeth.

Waiting upon God is vital in order to see Him and receive a vision from Him. And the amount of time spent before Him is also critical, for our hearts are like a photographer's film - the longer exposed, the deeper the impression. For God's vision to be impressed upon our hearts, we must sit in stillness at His feet for quite a long time. Remember, the troubled surface of a lake will not reflect an image.
- Dr. Pardington (Streams in the Desert)

In your walk with God, it's easy to get frustrated and angry at his delays and inaction. But his purposes are not always visible. He is doing a work in you that he promises to bring to completion. It's up to us to wait with trust.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

Song Therapy (and Warfare)

When emotions press down on me - fear, anxiety, sadness, and frustration - how do I fight back? When I am weak, how can I possibly endure the grip of dark thoughts closing in, threatening to pin me like a Greco-Roman wrestler?

King David reminded his downcast soul to hope in God in Psalm 42, and he reminded his soul to bless God in Psalm 103. He instructed himself to praise when his negative feelings became too much. But these psalms were more than just written reminders; these were lyrics to songs that washed over the singer. In times of overwhelming trouble, we heal and we fight by resolutely singing praise to the God who made us.

Is your soul downcast today? Do you need to go against every negative emotion you feel and decide to praise God for his infinite love, mercy, kindness, and power? Here is a song that might help:

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman
 
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 
Psalm 103:1

Lessons from Louie

Last night, I cried at Bible study. It's not something I prefer to do in public, but we watched a video called "The Anchor of Hope: When Life Hurts Most" by Louie Giglio. He described the pain that does not resolve by 9 AM the next morning, the soul-shaking trials that make us question God.

As he read an email from a young man genuinely struggling with why God did not answer his prayers to save his sister's life, I could hear the echo of my own words. I've felt those things, written those things so many times. I've read books and prayed and discussed, but sometimes my soul still cries out like a child asking where God is when I hurt.

Louie admitted he was left speechless by the painful email but that God reveals five things we can cling to when this hurricane of a spiritual storm assails us. Those five things are found in the cross of Jesus.

1) At the cross, we see God loves us. 

"How could God love me if he's letting this happen?" At the cross we find that we are loved deeply by God, enough to allow his Son to be tortured, rejected, and brutally murdered for us. Not only this, but he loved us first, while we were still rebellious against him. He paid what he knew we could never pay so we could have eternal life.

2) At the cross, we see God allows human freedom but maintains control.

God allowed soldiers and leaders and the crowd to crucify Jesus, but Pilate was reminded that the only power he had had come from above. God was in total control of the crucifixion, allowing men to freely make evil choices all for His ultimate purpose of salvation.

3) At the cross, we see God can use the worst circumstances for eternal good.

It doesn't get much worse, humanly speaking, than to see the Son of the eternal God hanging bloody and dead on a cross between two criminals. On Good Friday, it appeared as if God had allowed the worst to happen. If we were witnesses on that day, we would not see the salvation that God had planned. The Son of Man had been executed, but through that horrific event and the resurrection, everlasting life became available to all people, as well as the complete forgiveness of sin.

4) At the cross, we see God paints on a canvas bigger than we can understand.

It's impossible for us to have the eternal perspective on our circumstances that God does. When he orders events, it's not just for immediate satisfaction but for eternal sanctification. He is more concerned about eternal matters, and that can sometimes be the reason our finite minds can't comprehend why the pain lasts and lasts.

5) At the cross, God proves he understands our pain.

Jesus was fully man and fully God at the same time. As hard as it is to grasp, Jesus suffering on this earth and dying the way he did enabled him to experientially relate to us in a completely sympathetic way. He was tested and tempted beyond what we've ever faced and knew the agony of pain. He is the only one who can perfectly understand what you're going through right now, and that is of the utmost importance when we feel lonely and misunderstood in trial.

To me, the points of this message boiled down to God saying these 5 things:

"I love you."

"I'm in control."

"I'm working this all for good."

"I can see the bigger picture you can't yet see."

"I understand."

Like a trace of unearthed gold catching the sun, I can sometimes see glimmers of pain's hidden purposes - to better sympathize with others, to grow more dependent upon and more in love with Jesus, to develop the patience and endurance God desires in me. But for those times I can't see any purpose, when the suffering is real and overwhelming, I can rest in the sure hope of the cross and my Savior who suffered there for me.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

"God, can I have a sign?"

How many times have I asked God for a sign?  Countless.

Looking back in an old journal, it was almost a daily thing. Will God give me a good parking space? Will I do well on this test or project? Will this deadline get pushed back? Will this person give me approval? Will I get the scholarship? Each "yes" was interpreted as a sign of answered prayer. Looking back, it all revolved around me.

But when I got sick, some of those "signs of favor" on my path with God started to fade. I didn't feel comfortable walking this trail without reassuring arrows and guideposts every few steps, without getting what I thought I needed. In fact, I started flailing, trying to make my own alternative (dead end) routes. Panic set in upon seeing and feeling nothing but more trouble ahead. Instead of signs, the forest got darker, the overgrowth got thicker, and at times I could barely discern my way at all - only weeds, thorny bushes, and a silence that made me question if all I had felt before was really even God.

Making the decision to keep going was extraordinarily difficult. I felt disappointed, hurt, lost, and confused. Deep down, I suffered from a prideful sense of entitlement: "I have done my part, and God is not doing his part." After prayer and reading, I realized that I was not the first person to feel that way. Many people expected Jesus to act differently as the Messiah - to turn things around for Israel and make earthly circumstances better immediately. However, God's complete physical renewing of this world is to come later. First, the spiritual transformation must come. And that starts with repentance and trust in God, not based on what I feel or see but based on who He is.

Who is God? He declared to Moses:

"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness"  ~Exodus 34:6

This is echoed by many of the painful cries in the Psalms. It's clear from God's word that when we are in crisis, we must return back to the unchanging character of God and decide to trust Him - over and over again.

In my devotion time recently, I read that there are 3 levels of faith:

"While the first level of faith believes when our emotions are favorable, the second believes when all feelings are absent. And the third level transcends the other two, for it is faith that believes God and His Word when circumstances, emotions, appearances, people, and human reason all seem to urge something to the contrary." ~Streams in the Desert

I've been thinking over these three levels. Though my old, simple path with signs every couple feet felt comfortable, it was inherently unstable. I had to feel secure and see clearly before I could trust, or at least not be thwarted from moving forward. Meeting strong resistance required me to choose: either harden my heart or turn from my selfish pride and rely on unchanging God himself, not the variable signs I wanted.

Although this period of heartache has brought me deep into dark and unsafe woods, I now have faith that is based on something solid, resting on a firm foundation. My hope for the future is sure, not based on worldly successes but on saving up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20) and an inheritance that will not perish, spoil, or fade (1 Peter 1:4).

This inheritance is made possible through Jesus. Even when I still act selfishly and feel entitled and weaken in faith, his righteousness and forgiveness are given to me by grace. In this dark, lonely, thicket, I have found the cornerstone of my life - my love for Jesus Christ. He is the gift of eternal salvation for those who believe, and this is by far the greatest sign of all.

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Pruned

 On the news the other night, I heard a story about an ex-con who had turned his life around and established a vineyard in an unlikely place - the middle of the inner-city. For three years, he has been waiting patiently for the grapes to mature in the midst of adverse circumstances.

As I watched the video of him walking through the rows of well-kept vines, I noticed just how much his attention was on each bud. He even stopped mid-stride and mid-sentence while he was on camera with the reporter to adjust an errant branch and make it lie down on the guide wire.

Despite their sparse appearance, all the rows of neatly laid out vines will produce 3,000 bottles of wine at the proper time. They were much taller the previous year but not ready to harvest. In wisdom, the man had cut them back. "Pruning strengthens the grape for the longer run," the reporter said.

I sometimes wonder why God planted me here in the midst of illness, crime, loss, and sorrow. I wonder why year after year goes by and I feel like I grow in faith, but the pruning shears come out again. He bends down, examines me in love, his tender gaze on my little shoot, and then he snaps it right off. This is love. This is love that I can't quite grasp emotionally when I'm in pain.

But to see this parable brought to life on TV, I can start to understand that God's pruning is the best kind of love. The online news report described the reformed man who expertly cuts back his plants: "He quietly surveys the buds on the vines, deftly fingering the growth, looking for whatever strength there is in the buds." How much more will holy God show this patient love toward us, the ones he plants and prunes for glory?

If there had been a story about a vineyard in the rolling hills of one of the rural counties nearby, no one would have raised an eyebrow. But when a reporter hears of a vineyard in the inner-city that once burned with riots, that's newsworthy. I think God likes those kinds of stories too - the unexpected planting of a weak vessel in a bad place to show the kind of power He can enact when true faith perseveres.

Though we may be planted in the midst of adversity, pruned painfully, and endure long years of nothing outwardly changing, our Gardener has a good purpose in mind, and he's willing to wait. When we act out, he will lay us down again to follow his guide wire. And when the years have passed and the spiritual fruit of abiding in Christ is finally ripe, we will overflow with a harvest for God - a harvest all the more sweet and powerful because of the wait and because of the darkness from which we came.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
John 15:1-2

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Easter Hope

My future in heaven, my eventual healing, the complete forgiveness of my sins, and my soul's peace all came at an extraordinary cost to Jesus. I'm so thankful to Him today for the brutal torture he endured, the humiliating death he died, and most of all for his victorious resurrection. Because of his triumph over death and the evil in this world, I can persevere with sure hope until he returns to take me home.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5